Life is a school of LESSONS.A lot happens in life that changes our orientation and views about a whole lot of things; marriage is a key platform where this happens from time to time.
There are two good ways to respond to things in life that you find uncomfortable or rather frustrating:
1. Change it if it is within your power to do so or; 2. Change your attitude to it if it is something beyond your control.
Since it is not in the hands of anyone to change his/her spouse, we can decide (as inspired by knowledge and truth) to see things differently with the ultimate view of changing our attitude to the case or situation that has the power to make us feel somewhat frustrated.
The most important thing to a man is not a woman (I know you are probably shocked to hear that…), neither is it SEX (like many people think). YES, it is true that we men think about it more often than women do but that does not make it a basic priority to the man. On this note, let us take a look at the word:
8 Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.
16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden;
17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.
20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found.
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh.
22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (Genesis 2:8, 15-22)
Points to note
- The first thing God gave man was not a woman;
- The first thing God gave man was WORK (verse 15)
- The next thing God gave man was still not a woman but instructions (His word) after He gave him work (verses 16, 17)
- Though God affirmed that man needed some help, He didn’t get to give him (Adam) a helper immediately but more WORK (verse 18-20)
- The woman only showed up in verse 22!
Here is my point; WORK is what is primary to a man and not woman. He finds significance in knowing that he is being productively engaged in the assignment meant for him and this is what the woman is to HELP the man with. When he thinks about work, it is not necessarily a deliberate act to get at you. (I am also aware of the man’s tendency to use work as an excuse to “get away’ from something(s) he might be running away from in which case, an opportunity to discuss the likely issue might be worthwhile).
Respect is what every man yearns for, and work is a key platform for him to “earn” that. When a man is idle, he feels “violated”, inadequate and “handicapped”.
Woman, please understand when it seems like his work is more important to him, it is natural for him to feel insignificant without it; this is something you need to understand so that you are able to support him appropriately. On this note, the man tends to value the one that supports his work more than one who does otherwise. However, this is no license for any man to neglect his wife and family- NO, not at all.
The woman was created and designed to HELP and support, hence her need for companionship. You will agree that the Bible is apt in admonishing that man LOVES his wife while wives are to SUBMIT to their own husbands as required by the respective basic need of the male and female gender. (Ephesians 5:22-28)
- Married men and women are to relate with their respective spouses in and with wisdom and not cause unnecessary strife or rancour in the marriage/home. I encourage that we all understand the place of human nature and not always expect, to always get the undivided attention of our spouses at all times as this is tantamount to having unrealistic expectations. The difference between one’s expectations and reality is a measure of one’s frustration, but with knowledge of the truth comes less and less frustration in the long run.
- Also, we must remember that happiness is essentially a CHOICE and not a product to be demanded from others. Like I stated earlier, it is only wise for you to know the truth and adjust your attitude where things beyond your direct control are concerned; even as you pray and hope for the best.
The advantage of Wisdom is that it brings success wherever it is applied.